Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Decline in Pictures: Aging - The Ugly Truth, Kai's Feet, Michael Buble, a Bizarre Beach and the World Poker Open.

I've been doing a lot of very important things lately.  Watching all six season of Nip/Tuck, for example. Sleeping. Waiting for something exciting to happen. I'd planned to celebrate my 31st birthday in Vegas, partying it up with friends.  A series of events out of my control have thwarted my plans, and have left me sort of drifting into the summer without a specific agenda.

80's Hair and Dead Fowl

Kai has another brilliant blog post up.  Read it here.  I asked him for a photo tribute, something I could use to promote his latest blog.  In true KAL fashion, this adorable man ran to his new vehicle, showcasing his freshly slain Ostrich boots and snapped this gem.  For those of you who wonder what talented, brilliant poker-player-slash-writers are doing at midnight in Vegas during the world series, this photo should clear it up.

"Cartoon Nerd Style" is his self description of the jeans-tucked in look. Fashionista AND a rebel. I dig it.

Someday, I'm going to rope Kai into a joint project.  We'll either pen an epic novel or perhaps remake the following music video.  He's already got the Bonnie Tyler hair - So he gets to be her, and I'm pretty sure if we replace the alien-choir-kids with some of our mutual acquaintences, it will be a hit. Monkey will be our creative director and I'll play the tambourine. This YouTube version is lame.  The original, without lyrics and ridiculous added-note commentary is far more inspiring.  It's five am and I'm lazy, so this is the version you all get tonight.

Speaking of interesting videos.. My dear, wonderful, gorgeous friend Joe (Of Horseshoe, Tunica fame) has a 16 year old nephew named Brad.. who is a Michael Buble fan and, incidently, one hell of a singer.  He was recently brought up on stage during a concert, spontaneously, to sing with Buble.. and the result was caught on video.  The YouTube video has gone viral and has even been posted on Perez Hilton's site. Check it out:

The Beach of DOOM and Heaven's Gate

I recently stayed at the Veranda Hotel in Tunica.  I went for a walk just at sunset, around the property and discovered this oddity.  A patch of sand, no more than ten feet long by six feet wide behind the hotel, adjacent to a wooden ramp.  Not a boat ramp, mind you, but what appears to be a human ramp.. a handicap ramp even.  At the bottom of this ramp is a lake. A large, man-made lake full of ominous looking foliage and Mississippi-River-esque wildlife. The sort of lake that no one in their right mind would want to swim in. A lake of uncertain depth and even less certain water source. This "hotel amenity" was so out of place, and bizarre, I felt it deserved a mention. We shall call it "The Tunica Ramp to Nowhere" or maybe, a comfortable place for wayward gamblers who have lost it all to float out into oblivion.

The short ramp to the water moccasin buffet. You're the entree.

A slightly more inspiring photo.. after a June storm, I walked out onto the road to survey the damage just in time to see the clouds part and the sun beam through in a redeeming manner that took my breath away.

Proof that there is a God, and that he still checks in from time to time.
I'm Getting Old. And it isn't as Bad as One Might Think.

I had a dealer from work the other night who guessed my age at 45. This made me want to punch him in the nose, but it wasn't said maliciously.  He also said I resembled Anna Nicole Smith on a good day. This also makes me want to punch him in the nose.  I don't think it would bode well for my career, though, and again.. I'm sure he meant no harm by it.  But 45?! Really? I know some of you will laugh at this. Especially Steven and Scott. It's hard to find floor people for Harrah's under 40. Even fewer under 35. When this dealer backtracked (Likely at the look of homicide on my face) he said it had more to do with the way I carried myself, than my appearance. That I appeared "mature".  I'll take that.

Everyone told me I'd cry on my 30th birthday.  Quite the opposite, I received my LSAT scores on my 30th, and the first letter from my sister in Air Force Boot Camp. It was a great day, and I skipped the existential crisis.  31 on the other hand, has me a little freaked out. I'm now firmly out of my 20's. Thanks to the miracle of makeup, and cosmetic surgery (Which I plan on budgeting 20% of my annual income on from here on out), I can hide the slight indications of aging that are starting to show.

I have very few no makeup pictures. I'm a blonde. Let's face it, without mascara and a hearty dose of eyeliner.. my features can borderline on albino. To my personal dismay, but to chronicle the bitch that is aging, I present to you here, the slow and steady decline into senior citizen status. I try to take a picture around my birthday every year, from the same angle, so someday, I can put them in a book to show exactly what 85 years of partying like a rock star will do to you. At the rate I'm going, it will be an abridged version.






Annnddd... 30.9 years old.

Now, before anyone gets too harsh on judging me.. these are without makeup! NO WOMAN looks good without some sort of cosmetic enhancement. I mean, even those celebrity chicks everyone has stored in their mental spank bank look like hell without airbrushing and Revlon. True story.

The biggest difference that I see in this time line, that you can't possibly see because you're not in my head, is that at 20.. though I had that bright, porcelain skin untouched by ten years on the beach and repetitious heartbreak.. I was a sad girl with very low self esteem. At 23 I was a stuck up, high maintenance condescending bitch. At 25 I was hopeful, but worn down. At 27 I was desperately, incandescently in love with the most significant relationship of my life.. and every single day of it was misery because we couldn't agree on ANYTHING. And at practically-31, I'm trying not to crack up laughing in the pictures. I'm exhausted, I've had a couple cocktails, a fantastic night and an even better day. Isn't the point to leave behind a corpse that's totally used up in every capacity, because the ride has been so damn fantastic?  Okay, so I can handle aging as long as the process is fun, and at the rate I'm going.. it gets better every year.  Onward to 40!

Poker Season is Almost Here!

The World Series reached the half way point today.  For most poker players, this is the culmination of the season.  For Gulf Coast Players, this means we're just a few weeks away from the start of OUR season.  July 21st kicks off the World Poker Open at Goldstrike.  After that, we all head to the Beau Rivage for the Gulf Coast Poker Championship, then the IP in Biloxi (Which has just been purchased by Boyd Gaming.. the same company that owns Sam's Town and Borgata).  Robert McGovern from the poker room at the IP assured me that they would be keeping the WSOPCE stop on the tour, which is in the fall.  Following the IP, we're back to Horseshoe for the Magnolia, then the Winter Classic next door at Goldstrike.. and then, the holidays.  The best time of the year is approaching quickly.  What to wear.. What to wear..

For your planning pleasure.. here is the upcoming WPO Schedule.  Let me know if you'll be attending, and we'll make time for cocktails. I may also be able to hook some of you up with discounted room rates at the surrounding properties.

Gold Strike World Poker Open 2011
July 21 – August 8, 2011
$3,000 + $125 Buy-in Championship Event
Nightly Tournaments, July 21-Aug. 7, at 7pm. $130+$20
Super Satellites Daily at 5pm July 21- Aug 3: $200+$25 w/ $100 re-buys
One Seat Guaranteed

Thursday, July 21st 12pm Single and Mega satellites begin
Thursday, July 21st 1 3pm No-Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Friday, July 22nd 2 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Friday, July 22nd 3 3pm No-Limit Holdem w/$50 re-buys $100 + $30
Saturday, July 23rd 4 2day 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $300 + $40
Saturday, July 23rd 5 3pm Limit Omaha 8/B $200 + $30
Sunday, July 24th 6 2day 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $300 + $40
Sunday, July 24th 7 3pm Ladies No Limit Holdem $200 + $30
Monday, July 25th 8 12pm No Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Monday, July 25th 9 3pm Seven Card Stud 8/B $200 + $30
Tuesday, July 26th 10 12pm No-Limit Hold'em $200 + $30
Tuesday, July 26th 11 3pm No-Limit Hold’em $100 + $25
Wed. July 27th 12 2day 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $300 + $40
Wed. July 27th 13 3pm Limit Omaha 8/B $200 + $30
Thursday, July 28th 14 2day 12pm No-Limit Hold'em $300 + $40
Thursday, July 28th 15 3pm Seven Card Stud $200 + $30
Friday, July 29th 16 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Friday, July 29th 17 3pm No-Limit Hold’em w/$50 re-buys $100 + $30
Saturday, July 30th 18 2day 12pm No-Limit Holdem $300 + $40
Saturday, July 30th 19 2day 3pm Limit Omaha 8/B $300 + $40
Sunday, July 31st 20 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Monday August 1st 21 2 day 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $300 + $40
Monday August 1st 22 3pm Pot Limit Omaha 8/B $300 + $40
Tuesday August 2nd 23 12pm No Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Tuesday August 2nd 24 2day 3pm Heads Up No Limit (64 Max) $500 + $50
Weds. August 3rd 25 12pm No Limit Hold'em $200 + $30
Weds August 3rd 26 2day 3pm 6 handed No Limit Bounty $600 + $50
Thur. August 4th 27 2day 12pm No-Limit Hold’em $1,000 + $80
Thur. August 4th 28 4pm Super Satellite w/$100 re-buys $200 + $25
Thur. August 4th 29 8pm Super Satellite w/$100 re-buys $200 + $25
Friday, August 5th 30 12pm NL Hold’em Charity w/$50 Re-Buys $200 + $30
Friday, August 5th 31 4pm Mega Satellite no re-buys $300 + $30
Friday, August 5th 32 8pm Super Satellite w/$100 re-buys $200 + $25
Sat. August 6th 33 10am Last Chance Mega no re-buys $300 + $40
Sat. August 6th 34 3day 2pm No-Limit Hold’em Main Event $3,000 + $125
Sat. August 6th 35 4pm No Limit Hold'em $200 + $30
Sun. August 7th  12pm No-Limit Hold’em $200 + $30
Sun. August 7th  4pm No-Limit Hold'em $100 + $25

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