Thursday, April 21, 2011

A free $10K Main Event Seat? Really? No Gimmick? Seriously.

I'm asking those of you who feel comfortable doing so, to please repost this blog post.  I'd like it to reach as many poker-playing eyes as possible.  If you're not comfortable, no big deal. No cookie for you.

You know you want it.

I occasionally plug a product or service I like, or recommend.  I haven't ever done this for personal gain. Yes, Jeff Griffith hooked me up with a hoodie from Bustout, but this was before I ever wrote anything about Bustout. And mostly because we're friends. And I'm charming. Plus, the hoodie is pretty badass. But I digress.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a Horseshoe Tunica Poker Room employee.  I try to stay away from writing too many things about Harrah's BECAUSE I work for them, and I never want my off-color humor to be misinterpreted as a slight on the company kind enough to sign my paycheck. It's a fine line with any company.. when your personal Facebook and blog become representation of your professional persona. So I avoid this altogether by keeping things light about work.

THIS post, however, is relevant to me as a poker player. So I'm going to write it.

Horseshoe is hosting a poker tournament in May that absolutely has the best added value I've ever seen.  And I'm not just saying this because I was in the meeting where we originally designed this. But I was. So when one of you goes to Vegas on our dime, you can give ME a cookie.

The Spring Poker Classic runs May 13th - 22nd.  One noon event each day, one seven pm event each day.  Buy ins for the noon events are in the $200 to $300 range (One $500 event, plus One $500 main event). 7 pm events are $125ish. Pretty standard fare, yes? But here is the kicker. (Ahahaha, intentional poker pun. I slay myself). 

Top five finishers from each noon event, plus the first place winner in each 7 pm get entry into an exclusive freeroll on May 23rd, which features three prizes.  First place gets a $10,000 buy in to the main event in Vegas, and second and third place get a $2,500 buy in credit. Which you can split up however you like.. a $1500 event, a $1000 event.. or a $2500 event.

So follow my logic. I'm expecting low turn out.  Let's face it.. May is a slow month.  We're up against the Harrah's New Orleans Regional WSOPC championship televised event, and we scheduled this literally days before all the action starts in Vegas.  So I'm putting (my personal) over/under on the noon turnout at 50 per event. With a lot of repeat players in each. Even if there are no repeats, the biggest eligible roster for the freeroll is..48? If my math is right? Figure in a couple of repeats and you're more than likely playing through a field of 40 people for a shot at a main event seat.

SOMEONE is getting that seat.  It isn't dependent on turnout or buy ins.. this isn't a prize awarded from the prize pool, it is simply promotional added value.  How can we do this, you ask? Well, because we're awesome. True story.

Before I get the standard "But I will be in New Orleans..." blah blah blah, I would like to point out that New Orleans is going to be slammed. Huge crowds. Lots of people. Impressive names, glittery lights, a veritable buffet of cool kids playing poker. I think you should definitely go to New Orleans. I mean, who doesn't love half a million dollar prize pools and the shot at a gold ring with an exceptionally impressive Ebay value? I'm a fan.

However, unless you run phenomenally well.. or are some type of savant, your odds aren't that great at achieving legendary status in NOLA. You may score a cash or two, but you're a bass trying to navigate the ocean down there. So I think you should play a few events, see how it goes, and unless you're planning on investing $10K into playing the televised regional championship event (And really, think about how many starving kids in Africa that $10K will feed).. you should make the short drive up to Tunica and scoop up OUR $10K seat.

It's pretty simple really.  The end goal is Vegas. Sure, you want to make a little money along the way, but the road still leads to the Rio in Las Vegas. You can invest double the money and play through 100x or more people to win the seat, or you can come up to Tunica and invest a couple hundred bucks and play through.. what.. 39 other people for your shot?  Surely you can beat 39 other people. If my cat had opposable thumbs, he'd be a contender.

This is his poker face.

As additional added value that you won't get anywhere else.. (And this is pretty epic, folks), I will be onsite every single day.  In addition to providing coverage for Ante Up Magazine, I will be your personal and honorary food runner.  Though I am not on the schedule for this, and Lisa will more than likely have me supervising or doing something otherwise relevant.. if you come play because you read my blog, I will personally go fetch you a sandwich while you're in town.  This will come to the delight of many who know I'm about as subservient as a Honey Badger. (Reference You Tube if you don't already know).

One of my more more complacent moments.

I'm not actually going to make the sandwich, because, killing you with my inept kitchen skills wouldn't serve either of us very well. But I WILL make the 10 yard march to the snack bar and pick it up for you.

(Sidebar: When re-reading this, it might be perceived that I mean a food runner isn't "relevant". Quite the contrary, the food runner/chip runner is one of the hardest working people in the poker room and is very deserving of your tips. They work their ass off.  I simply meant that *I* am particularly incompetent at food running, and that realizing this, I will likely be scheduled elsewhere.  I have a hard enough time remembering what I want to order, much less keeping up with everyone elses' particulars. To the food/chip runners.. you ARE appreciated. Especially the darling Joseph of Horseshoe. Anyone who doubts how tough this job can be, I challenge you to do it for a day.)

We also have on property and on-Harrah's property hotel rooms available starting at $30.

So, to sum up:  You come play through a field of no more than 48 people for a guaranteed added value prize pool of $15,000 (including one $10,000 main event seat). You get affordable hotel rooms. You get a write up in my column when you win the main event seat. You get a sandwich. Win. Win. Win.

Not actual sandwich. Not even a close representation. But if it lures you in, excellent.

I get to see some of the people I miss terribly when they're not in town.  More win.

If you have any questions you can call me (Or Sheila, or Lisa or Dale) at Horseshoe Tunica Poker Room or send me a text (I generally ignore phone calls.. witness protection program and all) to 9019218860 and I'll get you a reservation or any additional details you need.

I look forward to seeing you there. And if you can't make it, and decide to play elsewhere, good luck. We'll all see each other in Vegas at some point anyway.

(P.S. I had hoped to include in this blog, for additional added value.. photos of Kai Landry wearing something pink and fluffy.  He never delivered the goods. I will be putting a stop payment on the $2.30 I wired to his bank account.)

**** Thanks to those of you who have pointed out a schedule would be helpful. :) Forgive my blonde brain! Here ya go!

Poker Classic
May 13th to the 22nd 2011
Fri 5-13 10am-7pm Single Table Satellites 35-45-65-125

Fri 5-13 Noon No-Limit 300-40-10

Fri 5-13 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Sat 5-14 Noon No-Limit 500-50-10

Sat 5-14 7pm No-limit 125-15-10

Sun 5-15 Noon No-Limit 200-30-10

Sun 5-15 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Mon 5-16 Noon No-Limit 200-30-10

Mon 5-16 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Tue 5-17 Noon Seniors No-Limit 300-40-10

Tue 5-17 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Wed 5-17 Noon No-Limit 300-40-10

Wed 5-18 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Thur 5-19 Noon No-Limit 200-30-10

Thur 5-19 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Fri 5-20 Noon No-Limit 300-40-10

Fri 5-18 2pm Ladies No-Limit 125-25-10

Fri 5-20 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Sat 5-21 Noon Main Event No-Limit 500-50-10

Sun 5-22 Noon No-Limit 200-30-10

Sun 5-22 7pm No-Limit 125-15-10

Mon 5-23 Noon Free-roll

• Single Table Satellites start 5-13 at 10am daily
• All tournaments are 1 day events
• All Noon Tournaments 30 min levels 5000 chips
• Main Event 45 min levels 10,000 chips
• All $10 staff add on’s get 3000 chips
• All 7pm tournaments 5000 chips 20 min levels
• Top 5 players in each Noon Event and 1st place in 7pm tournaments qualify for $15000 Free-roll
• Free-Roll on May 23rd at Noon 1- $10000 seat to Main Event at WSOP and 2- $2500 seats to WSOP at Rio in Las Vegas
Hotel Rates: Horseshoe starting at $45.00 – Harrahs starting at $30.00
Reservation line 662-357-5543

Thursday, April 7, 2011

How NOT to pick up a woman. An embarassing foray.

To those of you who are not complete douche bags, this string of text messages will be comical.  To those of you who are, and are still in denial, you'll think I'm a stone cold bitch. To which I would note that there is a vein of truth to your thought process, but only when I'm dealing with the typical male card player.

For those who are just tuning in, I work in the poker industry.  In just about every manner a person can work in the poker industry without being either a hooker or a Poker Stars Sponsored Pro, and for the right amount of money.. lets face it, I'd be open to either. We all have a price.  Mine starts at six figures. (This is a joke, for the handful of employers kind enough to pay me and might actually read my blog. I mean, seriously, who would sign with PokerStars?)

By virtue of being a woman, who travels to a lot of poker events, I am "fortunate" enough to come across a bevy of good lookin' male types.  Seeing as how you're pretty limited in your interaction when you meet someone at a poker table, quite often you find yourself exchanging information with someone you don't really know, but perhaps envision that you would like to.  More often than not, this results in a resounding conclusion that you should never give your number out again.

A little bit of back story on tonight's subject of my tyrannical frustration. Apparently (from what I gathered from our texts), I gave him my number.  This is highly probable.  He's tall, with black curly hair, beautiful blue eyes. A very well built young specimen of card playing failure. We had approx. 4 minutes of interaction following three days of casual glances. He asked, I obliged, but to be fair.. my phone number is on my very public Facebook. He didn't text/call/whatever.. I forgot about it twelve minutes after it happened. Now, approximately 3 weeks after the fact at 2 am, I get this gem of a conversation. To clarify my statement as to "Which Wes are you?" or something to that effect, I had just last night shared a room with a buddy named Wes, who is a traveling card player and routinely will text me from different area codes. This Wes and I have the sort of innocent relationship that usually involves mutual cohabitation to combat the boring hotel stays, and it generally involves room service and late night Law and Order Marathons. Nothing more salacious.

I include here for your comical delight, how NOT to pick up a woman. For those not iPhone Savvy.. the green bubbles are MY responses to him, the white bubbles are his incredibly appealing attempts to get the girl. Read with caution.  Mom, if by chance you're reading, you might want to skip this blog. This is not a "family friendly" post.

Names of identifying card rooms/events blacked out to protect the naive.

Big, Long, Huge, Break? I feel like I should be paying him $2.99 a minute for this text at this point.

I left out the part where he identified himself as a fairly prolific local player and what room/game we met in. In case tomorrow, he confesses to a significant drug overdose that lead to this chat.

It took a solid ten minutes for him to respond to this message. I assume he was googling the definition of "piquing".

Epic. Failure. My heart hurts for this boys ignorance.

Oh, do I ever. Words cannot convey.

By now, it's 3 am and I simply have nothing better to do.

You have to admire his perseverance.

Mad game AND ridiculous math skills? I'm SOLD.

Okay, maybe not 18%. I'm working with a learning curve here.

I am something serious? Sir, YOU are something serious.  Seriously.
With offers like these, how is a girl supposed to get anything accomplished?
I was actually considering his offer to slap him around a bit, at this point.

The conversation is still going on.  Albeit, I haven't responded in over an hour.  He's just chatting away, and I've silenced my phone for the evening.  Let this be a lesson to you all.  Pass your phone number out with fear and trepidation.  Furthermore, if you know anyone looking to borrow a 26 year old stud for the evening, I have one I'll send your way.  Gladly.