Monday, November 22, 2010

The Magnolia Classic - Part Two: Assaulted by a Troll/Monkey Molests a Sign

Home from work and going to knock out the rest of this Magnolia update while I still have the ability to recall the details. On a side note, I just left Walgreens.  I find it incredibly amusing how different it is to live in Casinos four days or so a week and then go back to the real world. Four days a week, more or less depending on the time of year, if you want a soda at 4 am and a medium rare steak, you pick up the phone.  If you're feeling social, you go downstairs.  If not, you crank up the air conditioning and snuggle into a comforter and watch the premium channels.  In the real world you walk into a Walgreens and feel like you're imposing on the checkout girl for interupting her heated cell phone conversation with her significant other. You ask if they have any chocolate milk that isn't out of date and she sneers at you with such contempt that for a second, you consider apologizing. I STILL prefer MY bed, MY computer and having my things easily accessible.. the comforts of being at home. But sometimes I wish I could carry a sparkly card around that forced people in customer service to at least pretend to give a damn about what I need.

Anyway, so this will be two fold.  The insanity of Tunica and poker stuff.  We'll start with the poker.  The Main Event had a great turn out. Dale and Lisa (And Sheila and Joe and Jon and Shaun and Chris and .. you get the point) did an amazing job putting on the event.  I didn't LOVE the table placement (amongst the slots) but the rest was great.  Lisa let me do the announcing on behalf of Ante Up Mag before the main and I got to say the "Shuffle Up and Deal" which totally made the "uncomfortable public speaking" moment I was thrust into. <3

At the beginning of the event, I approached Ryan Potter and told him he was going to win this thing.. and proceeded to take a few pictures of him starting out.  Low and behold he placed 2nd and took home somewhere around $15K.  He had a hell of a run.  He's a genuinely nice guy and deserved it. The winner is also a sweetheart and I'm happy for him. The bracelet Horseshoe put together for the event was beautiful, if a bit masculine. But hey, considering maybe three women played that particular event I suppose it worked out nicely.

The Seniors event allowed people 40 and up to play.  Which is a little weird.  It was less like a senior event and more like an "exclude the younger people" event.  But I had to work that day so it didn't really bother me.

As for the insanity of Tunica.. I'm only going to hit the broad strokes.  I'm sure Monkey's blog will go into more details.  The short version is this:  I was lurking around the final table in the main, and went to see what Monkey had gotten himself into.  He was playing Blackjack.. so I decided to join him for a few minutes.  He was winning on an insane heater/streak.. I was on a moderate streak myself, and our independent stacks were growing exponentially. You know how people holler and throw a fit when they win big at craps?  Our table's celebration level was about 10 times LESS obnoxious than that, but we were still thrown out (And by thrown.. I mean escorted off the property by a midget and her brigade of snaggle tooth guards and one lone EMT (I have no idea why.. maybe they expected Monkey to stroke out?)..)  Anyway, that didn't go over too well with us. They absolutely wouldn't give either one of us an explanation. Monkey would say.. "And why are we being told to leave?" to which they literally replied "Because I said so!". Umm.. sure, Mom.  Thanks.

You know how Monkey has this insane reputation of being a collossal trouble maker back in the day?  How controversy seems to follow him?  How 40% of the people you mention his name to will sneer, though not enough to hide the look of interest in their eyes? I don't know how much of those urban legends about him I bought into prior to this trip. I personally don't care what he does, because I like him as a person.  He's a hell of a card player, he's married to one of the hottest women I've ever seen, and he's funny.  Thats pretty much good enough for me. But I can honestly tell you from first hand experience.. I've never witnessed anything like the shit people sling at him.  I don't know if its because he's an alpha male, or because he was winning too much money, or if the pit boss was just insecure being in the presence of someone who is clearly NOT insecure.. but 90% of the drama that came our way had absolutely nothing to do with anything Monkey did.  Honest to God truth. He is a MAGNET for contempt though. Here is the thing about him.. whether he's willing to admit this or not.  Monkey cares about people.  Almost all people, to a level that most people never recognize.  He has very basic expectations from everyone he comes in contact with.  If you work in customer service, you need to provide customer service.  If you're a poker player, don't name drop.. don't talk out of your ass when no one cares, and don't expect people to pay your way.  If you're a waiter, have a basic concept of how to wait tables. If you're a dealer, deal cards. If you can't do any of these basic functions, admit it up front and he'll forgive you.  Might even help YOU do YOUR job better, if he can. Even though this sounds somewhat reasonable, for whatever reason, he has an uncanny ability to find the most incompetent person in a room and ask them a question only to have THEM flip shit when he can't get an answer.

This is how it went at the Horseshoe. The dealer? Loved having us at the table.  The other players? Couldn't stop laughing.  The questionably competent pit crew and entire range of security? Loathed us. We were less than politely walked out the door. At this point, Monkey did in fact dry hump a stop sign. This had a dual purpose.  One, it was damn funny. Two, it really pissed off the midget security chief. Or maybe he was just into the sign.  Who knows. I do know at this point we were threatened with going to jail.  So we meandered into Goldstrike. We made it approx 15 feet onto the gaming floor before security was all over us.  Apparently Horseshoe was kind enough to call ahead and make them aware of our impending arrival.  Fabulous.

So it was that Jennifer Gay.. 30 years old, playing cards in Casinos for the better part of 9 years.. and Monkey Souther, 40+.. plays more cards than I'll ever see.. were both grounded. Literally.  They sent us to our rooms (seperate properties), where we were to remain on a 24 hour ban.  For doing nothing.  In a round about way it was a favor.. by now it was 5 or 6 am and we'd both been forced to pocket our winnings.

The next day, we kinda ignored the bans.  I played the Cash Blast (didn't love it, but love Mike and Kenny so I'll say it was definitely different.. just not necessarily suited to my play style), and Monkey staggered in late to play the same tournament.  We grabbed dinner at Binions, where the food was amazing.  Pretty sure when the waiter told us he'd been with the Steakhouse for 9 and a half years, he secretly meant "I've been working in the back of the kitchen for 9 and a half years, and you guys are my first actual table to wait on.. ever", but I didn't want to make him feel awkward. Had a bottle of Pinot Noir that was fantastic enough I'll probably have erotic dreams about it in the near future. Oh, and the hottest asian/pixie looking female manager.. with an awkward accent, was kind enough to make sure the meal was to specification.  It was good enough. No major complaints.

Met up with Scotty, played some $1/$2 and ended the Magnolia experience on a very quiet note. Monk's wife had arrived to claim him, and I needed a couple hours of verbally harassing Scott while he tried to sleep. This entertains me endlessly.  Though, it may not delight him as much.  I was genuinely happy to see him.  Having him around for the poker stuffs saves me SO much time in having to relay the details to him later. Plus, Scott gets me.. I know what I can say to him and about him at the table, and what not to say. Whats so great about him is that pretty much nothing is off limits if its to get a laugh out of others. This delights me endlessly.

Magnolia was a success.  I met a ton of great people, reconnected with some I've adored for ages.. and even though my liver has formed a union with other critical organs and is threatening a strike.. I made it out none the worse for wear. 

Two weeks off.. and then.. Winter Classic! <3

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